i couldn't tell you why i haven't been able to keep this blog going. maybe it's because i've been so busy this past year, with teaching, meeting friends, taekwondo, salsa, yoga, hiking. the fact of the matter is that i do have enough time on my hands to write in this blog. so why haven't i?

i've done a lot of reflecting and experienced so many things... some i try to jot down in my private journal, some i bare for all in slightly vague ways through my facebook and twitter accounts. but i haven't done the detailed update, breaking down all the different places i've been and things i've seen. when i was in greece i detailed everything (unfortunately), in both my private journal and my public blog. i think the difference here is that im not so much a traveler... as i am simply, a resident. i'm living and working here, and in the same way that i assume my daily life in boston or new york may not be so interesting, maybe i think that of my daily [korean] life.

however, no matter how mundane a day in my life here can be, ive also done things and challenged myself if ways i've never thought of before. is it possible to be walking down a street in a city you've lived in for over 10 months now, and still be so surprised at where you are that it takes your breath away?

some days i know i'm ready to return home. i miss my family, i miss my friends. but other days i am reminded of how much of this world i have left to see; i think about the people i've met that i'm not yet ready to part with.

tomorrow i will begin an incredible adventure. i'll be traveling to an island off the south coast of korea, alone. no matter how many countries i've been to, how many things i've seen, there hasn't been a time that i've traveled somewhere completely alone (barring a 24 hour trip to macedonia to invalidate my visa). i am half excited, and half scared for this journey. i know it will be incredible, and i'm looking forward to the challenges that will be presented to me as a solo traveler. no doubt i will meet people on my journey, and i even have plans to meet up with a friend. but for most of the trip, it will literally be me, the island, and a backpack. not to mention the tallest mountain in korea..

so far, my time in korea has been wreaking havoc on.... my feet.

in taekwondo class, we practice barefoot. all the "stepping" (bouncing up and down) and kicking we do... i am starting to get calluses!! and in salsa i spend about 2-3 hours dancing in my (slightly tight) salsa shoes doing spins and whatnot. and to top it all off, i have to stuff my poor feet in HEELS on weekends!!! luckily i don't wear heels so much anymore. but lately, my feet are definitely not looking pretty =(

it surprises me sometimes just how happy i am with my job. there are some bad days.. but most of them stem from the work environment, the colleagues, the communication problems, and simply the differences in culture. but one thing has never failed me, and that has been what i feel when i'm with my students. yes, there are the handful of "bad" kids... the ones that give me grief, the ones that are rude, the ones that don't listen, the ones that no matter what, i'll never be able to truly help. even these kids hold a place in my heart. at the end of the day, it is because of these kids that i want to become a teacher.

im somewhere between a "teacher" and a "friend" to these students. they dont see me that often so i dont have to discipline them, i don't have to give them grades, and i don't have to be mean (even though i choose to. i dont like leaving the discipline up to my coteachers). maybe to everyone at this school i am not considered a "real" teacher. maybe not even to myself, at this point. but sometimes it surprises me how attached i get to these kids, whose names i can't pronounce or don't even know. when i think of them my heart fills up, and when i think of the future i wonder what theirs will be. i wonder if they will ever visit america, will they ever think to contact me if they're ever in new york. and i hope deep down that they will. that i won't become a faded memory in their lives as time goes on, because they won't be a faded memory in mine.

i know that kids back in the states wont be the same way. there is an innocence about these students, a lightheartedness, a different type of relationship they have with their teachers that maybe doesn't exist in middle schools in brooklyn. here, teachers give students a ride home after school. they take their homeroom out to a movie on the weekends. students have their numbers and text them freely in the evening. a teacher in korea, means more than what happens inside the school building. the profession is well-respected (and deservedly so). a teacher can even take away a student's cell phone privileges for an entire month. of course there are some things about the school culture i may not understand and may not even agree with. but as a whole, being in this environment, seeing these kids every day, seeing them remember something i told them weeks before, seeing them make the effort to say something to me in english, and watching their eyes light up when they understand something... this is what i get up for every morning.

these days, i've been thinking to myself: if i never went to korea, i would never know what it feels like to miss it. it's like knowing a huge storm is coming except the storm is in my heart.

oh, kpop.

why must you be so catchy?

even though i don't understand your lyrics, i find myself singing along to you every time your tune creeps into my head.

and half the time it's not only in my head, but playing on the street!!

being korea

According to Wikipedia (and many other, more reputable sources), there are three phases of culture shock.

Honeymoon Phase. "OMG!! Look at the TREES! KOREAN TREES! WOW, even their toilets are different! Check out all the lights! Noraebang, HELL YES!! This place is AWESOME!!!!!!!"

Negotiation Phase. "Ugh. Why can't my teachers just be upfront instead of speaking so ambiguously? How come no one actually PLANS AHEAD in this school? Why can't these scooters follow the damn traffic signals!"

Adjustment Phase. "Ah, you don't know the difference between annyonghi kaseyo and annyonghi kyeseyo? Tsk, tsk, newbie. You gotta get somewhere? I can tell you exactly how to take the bus, what to tell the taxi driver, and no fewer than three landmarks nearby. Dude, you just squat and pee, that's all there is to it..."

We talked about culture shock before I left for Greece, and we talked about culture shock after I arrived in Korea. Whether or not I truly felt it, I'm not sure. Yes, I've experienced all three emotions, but not at strong levels. When I get annoyed at something, it's not simply because it's different from America, but because it's annoying. If it happened to me in America, I would be just as annoyed.

There are supposedly three outcomes after the adjustment phase:

• "Some people find it impossible to accept the foreign culture and integrate. They isolate themselves from the host country's environment, which they come to perceive as hostile, withdraw into a ghetto and see return to their own culture as the only way out. These Rejectors also have the greatest problems re-integrating back home after return. Approximately 60% of expatriates behave in this way."
• "Some people integrate fully and take on all parts of the host culture while losing their original identity. They normally remain in the host country forever. Approximately 10% of expatriates belong to this group of Adopters."
• "Some people manage to adapt the aspects of the host culture they see as positive, while keeping some of their own and creating their unique blend. They have no major problems returning home or relocating elsewhere. Approximately 30% of expatriates are these so-called Cosmopolitans."

I don't like to categorize myself or generalize my experience, but I can safely say that I am neither a rejector nor an adopter. I am not yet sure if I am a cosmopolitan. However, one thing I've noticed about my relationship with Korea, is that I am extremely patient with it. Where some native teachers would complain about bureaucracy and the constant changes in our contracts, I passively wait for them to sort it out, and go from there. I'll say it again, I passively wait. I don't remember being this passive before, ever in my life (Okay, maybe when I was younger, but definitely not when I was in college). Maybe it's because I am strikingly aware that we are guests in this country, that we have no right to demand anything from it, or to declare that we deserve something simply because we are "better." I sympathize with my co-teachers, who have to deal with us, and have so much requested of them from higher authorities; people who don't know what it takes to control a classroom.

Not that I don't still get annoyed, which I do. But I am actively trying to find a compromise. Instead of bitching and moaning about something, I try to find a way to move forward and still be happy.

When people complain about something authentically "Korean," I think, "this is the way it is, there's no point in arguing about it." Life is life no matter what country you live in, and just because you're "Western" and feel worshipped by your school and the government, doesn't mean that you have the right to say what should and shouldn't happen in a country that's not yours.

Do these opinions make me an adopter? or a cosmopolitan? Either way, I am continuing to feel lucky for this opportunity to immerse myself in a country that is not my own, to see that while some things change from culture to culture, other things are true no matter where you are. Let's revel in our differences, be happy that they exist, and try to value each other for it.

vacation

Currently, school's out for winter vacation. The first few weeks of this vacation I will be required to come to school - even teach a class - and desk-warm for the whole day. I don't mind this because I'm getting paid for this time, it's in my contract, and it also gives me a chance to catch up on my work and lesson planning.

What's fun about this vacation is the opportunity it gives me to really interact with my students. There are only six students in my class (three of which I've never taught before), which makes it easier for me to actually remember names. I've been really enjoying my Taekwondo classes because the students there are fun and friendly (again, some I have never spent time with in a classroom). They invite me to church, or to lunch at their house. Last week I took my class on a scavenger hunt at the science museum and we went out to get Kimbap afterwards. Sunday I went snowboarding with my Taekwondo instructor and another student. It sucks that I have to work on vacation but these little things make up for it!!

On another note, it's so dry and cold here that the skin on my hands are actually cracking and starting to bleed in some places. It hurts!! =(